Wednesday, 5 September 2012

The Avengers vs The New Avengers

This year has seen an amazing number of  massive blockbusters hit our cinema screens to the joy of cinema geeks, such as myself. These included Men in Black III, The Avengers, Spiderman, The Dark Knight Rises and sometime in the near future, Superman is jumping on the sequel bandwagon as well. I can proudly report that I have seen every single one, despite not having viewed any of the previous ones in any of the series. I guess I will have to watch them all backwards.

It did get me thinking though...what if all the superheroes got together to form their own alternative Avengers group....made up of Agents Jay and Kay, Peter Parker, Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle and Clark Kent. Against Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Thor and Natasha Romanoff of the original avengers group. Who would win?

The first thing that the New Avengers (N.A) would do is break up The Avengers because they are so much stronger as a team, than when they are on their own. Each of the N.A would then take up battle against only one of the avengers apart from Agents Jay and Kay who stuck together to take down Clint Barton pretty quickly effectively stopping him from picking off the rest of their group one by one. They would then work hard and manage to get Bruce Banner into a space prison where he can't harm anyone before they return to the battle and are promptly killed by The Black Widow in revenge of Barton.

Catwoman decides to pick her fight against Romanoff, thinking that as the only other female among the group, she will be the easiest to pick off. She is much surprised however by Romanoff's skill which is more than a match for her. They both have similarly equal skills but Romanoff's strength and stamina is what makes her almost win the long fight. However, just as Kyle is about to lose, Romanoff is distracted by Agent Jay and Kay's return and she turns her attention to them. And, although Kyle doesn't act quite quickly enough to save the two Men in Black, she does manage to kill Romanoff.

Next Peter Parker takes on Steve Rogers. Even though Captain America is good, Spiderman is better. He confuses him through his amazing spidery moves, so Captain America doesn't know which way to turn. There are some hairy moments when his weapons are effective on Spiderman before Parker is able to block them up with his web, but once they are disabled it is easy for him to defeat Captain America.

The next battle is between Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark. Both have machinery that rivals anything else the rest of the avengers or the NA can achieve. But the fact that Tony Stark's is more personalised and easier to get around means that he wins as he can dart around and damage the Batmobile fairly effortlessly.

Thor is a bit jealous that Clark Kent is known as Superman so goes after him and wipes him out quite quickly...hmmmm not such a super man after all. He then goes after Parker who is not only injured, but infinitely less strong and agile than Thor anyway. He stands no chance against the god. Selina Kyle meanwhile is taking on Ironman, hugely angry that he has killed her love. He succumbs to her flirting and charms and once he is out of his suit, it is easy to defeat him.

Which means it is just Catwoman and Thor left. Both are exhausted from their previous fights and decide that they quite fancy the other. So they decide to leave the fighting behind them and live happily ever after with all their God babies.

And this is what would happen if all the superheroes turned on each other. Just as well they are too busy protecting the earth huh? If you think the battles would finish a slightly different way, then let me know in a comment :D

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