Friday, 16 May 2014

30 Days Blog Challenge - Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like

As a rule, I don't make future plans. I think life is too changeable and you will only become disappointed if you have set your heart on being married at 25 yet it still hasn't happened by 30. So I just let myself go with the flow, and trust fate to lead me on the best course. I do however have one hope for the future - I do hope at some point (the sooner the better really), I will feel worthwhile.

For the past 7 years or so I have suffered from anorexia and as this week is Mental Health Awareness Week, I thought I would therefore open up about my experiences a little more. This is something that I tend to never do. Not because I am ashamed of it but rather as it leads to people's pity and awkward questions. However, I am bored with trying to fit into a stereotypical form of society. It is about time that people were more accepting of those who are different to themselves. This is the 21st century after all and nobody should feel ashamed about who they are. Least of all when they have no control over it, it's not their fault.

It's not  the anorexia that I am afraid of. It's the all-encompassing feelings of worthlessness and insecurity that scare me more. The physical act of not eating and wanting to lose weight is only a tiny part of anorexia. What runs much more deeply is the need to conform to those around you. I hate everything about myself, both how I look and my personality. This leads me to not feel good enough for my infinitely superior friends and family. So I control the one thing that is easiest to control - my weight. 

In the future, I am not hoping to throw off anorexia once and for all. I am definitely not hoping to gain weight and I am not daring to hope that one day I will be the confident person that I pretend to be. All I am hoping for is that one day, I will look at myself in the mirror and be vaguely comfortable with what I see both inside and out.

You can read more about the mental health awareness week here

You can also read about Time to Change's campaign #TimeToTalk which is a valuable campaign encouraging people to discuss mental health more, therefore causing it to become more understood and hopefully more accepted within society

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