Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Blogmas - The Carols Updated

It's the second of my Blogmas Posts that I have been writing this month and for today I thought we would take a look at Christmas Carols.

*Sighs Contentedly* Aren't they just one of the best things about Christmas?

I love singing and I love the wonderfully upbeat songs that follow us around during November and December. But if the whole 'Baby it's cold outside' thing is anything to go by (if you don't know what this Thing is then Google Funny or Die's re-enactment of it and you will see what I mean) then they are not entirely relevant to our times any more. I mean, do people actually watch their flocks at night any more? And do modern children actually know what a manger is?

Therefore, being the kind and helpful citizen that I am, I thought I would rewrite a few of the carols to be more appropriate to the modern age. See if you can work out which carols I have decided to update...

Single Now
Single now, single now, single all the year.
It is no fun to have no one to share this Christmas cheer.
Oh...Single now, single now, it kind of makes me mad.
No one there, to form a pair. This really is quite sad.

Dashing through the bar, Shouting for a drink
Then into a car, trying not to think
how alone I am, at this merry time.
I know there's a man somewhere out there for me to find.

Oh single now, single now, better luck next year.
I will have fun with anyone who happens to appear.
Oh single now, single now, I shall find him soon.
He'll be hot and love me lots and sure to make me swoon.

12 completely unattainable gifts
On the 12th Day of Christmas dear Santa brought to me:

12 months of holiday
11 famous friends
10 million pounds
9 private jets
8 maids a-washing
7 non-rainy days
6 days in bed
5 diamond rings
4 stretched limos
3 mansions
2 cute puppies
and a man who loves me dearly

Party Night
Party night! Drunken night!
Alcohol has blurred my sight. 
Round the pubs in the town we all go
Drinking steadily, gently and slow. 
Till we pass out on the ground! 
Till we pass out on the ground! 

Party night! Drunken night! 
We stay out late until it's light! 
Sun shines down on to our face 
Then it's time to go back to my place 
To sleep off the hangover 
To sleep off the hangover 

O Christmas Eve
O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve,
the best day of the year.
O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve,
I am so glad you're near.
In ev'ry home, there is a tree
and lights and gifts and food to eat.
O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve,
You're here and the Day is soon.

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