Whispers have been haunting my every step. Did I kill him? Did I kill him? Did I kill him?
The answer: yes I did.
When I told them, they didn’t believe me.
‘But how can that be? You are only 4 and three quarters. He was 51. You must be wrong, you silly little girl. Who really killed him?’
I did. I really did. I am telling the truth. Mummy always told me I should tell the truth, otherwise my nose will grow and I don’t want to look like an elephant.
Mummy had only just come home when I did it. Daddy had been looking after me all day. I don’t know why. On Saturdays it is always Mummy who plays with me but I didn’t mind it being Daddy. Except when he got cross with me when I asked where Mummy was.
It was very late when she came home. I was tucked up in bed. She came in to kiss me goodnight.
‘I’m sorry I left you with Daddy, it won’t happen again’ she’d whispered in my ear.
I should have said something. Like how much I loved Daddy and how much fun I’d had when we had played. But I didn’t. I was tired. So she left me.
I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t. Because that is when the shouting began. I tried to ignore it. It happens quite a lot so I did what I had always done. I snuggled under the cover with Ted and pretended I was in a tent. But I got too hot, so I had to come back out again.
I didn’t like the shouting. I hoped it would stop soon. It didn’t. It got worse and worse and louder and louder. I was scared.
I was also worried. I think they were shouting about me. I heard my name. So I did something naughty. I got out of bed.
I tiptoed slowly towards their bedroom, even though I knew I was safe. They wouldn’t hear me. Their door was shut which means I am not allowed in. I went in anyway.
I couldn’t see much. Daddy had his back to me and Mummy was over by the window but I couldn’t see her because Daddy was in the way. They hadn’t heard me come in, so they were still shouting at each other.
‘I don’t want you going near her ever again!’ Mummy yelled.
‘You can’t stop me!’ Daddy bellowed straight back.
‘I can and I will.’
‘You can’t come in here and make demands.’
‘I just did.’
‘You’ve been screwing around all day and this is how...’
It carried on and on like that. And then suddenly Mummy was silent. It was just Daddy shouting and shouting. He was so loud and Mummy wasn’t saying anything. He was very still, barely moving at all. He was just very noisy. So when he stopped I had to see if he was alright. And if Mummy was alright too.
He whirled around to face me and as he did so, Mummy came into view behind him. She made a swift movement. I watched the light fade from his eyes. Like he was going to sleep. And then he curled up on the floor.
So yes, I am telling the truth. I hope you believe me. Because I have as much blood on my hands as Mummy. And that will stay with me my whole life. I will never forget.Like what I say?
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